33 things I’ve learnt in my 33 years
While travelling around Spain, I received a 15-minute voice note from one of my dearest friends, who’s currently moving through a difficult time. She asked me for some words of encouragement and to kindly share the quotes, phrases, and reminders I’ve personally found meaningful—and have often repeated in sessions with coaching clients over the years.
After breathing deeply through the initial wave of overwhelm caused by the request (how do I condense into a list of fewer than 100 everything I’ve learnt through three decades of self-development and nearly a decade working in wellness and healing?!), I made a cup of earl grey, sat in front of a blank page with no expectations, and simply allowed whatever wanted to come through to emerge.
What I ended up writing has been shaped over time—through books, conversations, coaching hundreds of women, heartbreaks, breakthroughs, art exhibitions, meditation, yoga, years of solo travel, Vipassana, stillness, time in nature, running a business and dancing through the experience of being human.
None of this is definitive or prescriptive, and I’m already putting my head in my hands knowing that the moment I publish this, I’ll remember 70 more things I wish I’d included (recovering perfectionist here). Still, I thought I’d share some of them with you. Perhaps something here will land—right where you are.
Here are 33(ish) things I’ve learnt and shared so far:
Focus on becoming someone you are proud of and inspired by. Practise being who you want to become.
With great responsibility comes great power. Your life is your responsibility—it’s only by embracing this that you can embody your full power.
Invest in experiences, not stuff. You really don’t need much.
Unfollow, unsubscribe, mute—clean up your digital spaces. This applies to physical spaces too.
Romantic love isn’t everything. Deep, nourishing, intimate relationships are.
Don’t believe everything you think.
Don’t aim to be fearless—aim to be courageous.
Being sensitive means having access to life’s full spectrum. Learn to honour your sensitivity and use it as the superpower that it is.
This too shall pass (the beauty and the horror). Change is the only constant.
The world is both brutal and sublime. Pay attention to both.
You always have a choice.
You don’t want the thing—you want how you think the thing will make you feel. Instead of obsessing over the thing, cultivate the feeling you yearn for.
Practise radical honesty—especially with yourself.
Let people have their experience of you—and don’t take it personally (because it isn’t). Trying to control others’ opinions is exhausting and futile.
Your body is a miracle—a guide and an oracle of wisdom. Befriend it, learn its language, and listen closely. Learning to work with your nervous system, sensations, and physical cues is utterly transformative.
Learning to be alone is a gateway to freedom. Don’t wait for someone else to start your life. Do the thing on your own if you must. You’ve got you (lucky you!).
Welcome discomfort, ambiguity, and the unknown. Avoiding them costs you a fully lived life.
Identify what lies within your sphere of influence. Then let go of what you can’t control.
Don’t fear mistakes. Get great at learning—and, when needed, apologising.
Practise being here and now. Your life is happening in this moment. Don’t miss it.
Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for everything else. Invest in it—you are the most important person in your life.
Keep death close. Let it remind you not to take anything for granted. Keep your life up to date. If you died tomorrow, would anything important be left unhealed, undone, or unsaid? Don’t leave love unspoken.
Challenge your beliefs. Question your opinions. Stretch your perspective. Read widely. Change your mind. Stay humble, and let the world keep reshaping you.
Confidence comes from trusting yourself—from believing you have the ability to meet the moment and handle whatever arises. It’s knowing you’ll be OK, no matter the outcome.
You are a creator. Your life is the product of your creativity—your thoughts, words, decisions, and actions.
It’s not about what happens (or happened)—it’s about how you experience it, and what you choose to learn from it.
Love isn’t something you give to others. Embodying love is always a gift you give yourself.
Keep coming back to your business. Let others handle theirs. And please—don’t meddle in life’s business.
Often, the most powerful way to change something isn’t by resisting it—but by accepting it.
Stay curious. Be interested in people. Chat to strangers. Pay attention to others. Learn to listen deeply. Be generous, helpful, and kind whenever the opportunity arises. Ask your parents and grandparents about their lives—they won’t be here forever.
Instead of “why me?”, ask “what can I learn from this?”
Every single person and every situation is a mirror: they will all reveal different parts of you (pay especial attention to triggers!). Use them as teachers to grow, and to know yourself better.
Practise patience. Things often don’t unfold the way—or within the timeline—you expect. Keep showing up, take baby steps, and trust the process.
You are fiercely loved.